


Atsumu’s Relapse (And How Sakusa Fixes Him)

by sleepinginthe_library



Series: Eating Disorder Works (haikyuu based) [2]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anorexia, Bulimia, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Eating Disorders, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Pro Volleyball Player Miya Atsumu, Pro Volleyball Player Sakusa Kiyoomi, Volleyball, Volleyball Dorks in Love, eating disorder relapse, im jealous, they’re so in love it’s sickening
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-15 06:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,038
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28684338
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sleepinginthe_library/pseuds/sleepinginthe_library
Summary: After 5 years Atsumu feels great. He’s finally playing pro volleyball and to make things even better, he gets to play with Sakusa, the love of his life. Everything’s going well until a small player with the name of Hinata Shoyo joins the team. Atsumu finds himself spiraling and ends up going back to his eating disorders.This is the sequel to Atsumu’s rules (And How Sakusa Broke Them).Buckle up because I’ve been reading a lot of angst :)
Relationships: Miya Atsumu & Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi, Miya Osamu & Sakusa Kiyoomi, Other Relationship Tags to Be Added
Series: Eating Disorder Works (haikyuu based) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2091045
Comments: 31
Kudos: 141





	1. The Relapse

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh
> 
> I’ve missed writing so much. 
> 
> It’s been a while and I’m sorry, don’t hate me please. 
> 
> I’ve taken a break to let my mind refresh or whatever that means and I’ve gotten back into the groove. While I was away, I’ve been learning how to draw digitally and it’s been very fun. I hope you guys enjoy this and thank you for all the support on the original.

High school was a rough time for both Atsumu and Sakusa. Since they lived in different cities, they didn’t get to see each other as often as they would have liked, especially since Atsumu was still recovering. Thankfully they managed to maintain a loving and supportive relationship together and they graduated high school triumphantly. After high school, they both decided to work on their volleyball careers and worked towards joining the MSBY team. Their auditions for the team went well and they found themselves working with each other everyday. All was going well until Hinata Shoyo joined the team. Now Atsumu had nothing against Hinata, in fact, he saw him as a great friend and teammate, but there was something else about him that Atsumu couldn’t stand. 

_ He was skinny _ . 

Volleyball players are meant to be muscular and strong, which Hinata was, but he had a certain leanness to him that other plays (and himself) didn’t have. Atsumu knew he shouldn’t let it get to him, but the raging war inside of his head was loud and hard to ignore. After all, Atsumu had an amazing support system that had helped him through everything, but he felt so guilty relying on Sakusa again.

“Sakusa took care of you for so long, don’t bother him with this.” Atsumu thought. “I don’t want to annoy him with my problems again.”

So Atsumu continued his  dreadful wonderful life. He pushed himself harder, trained longer, and started to cut out meals? 

“Wait this wasn’t part of the plan.” Atsumu scolded himself as he walked home from practice. “You were supposed to train harder, not do this again.” 

Part of him was angry at himself, but the other, darker and more hidden, part of himself kept telling him to come back. 

**I miss you.**

Atsumu was shocked at the sudden voice and felt himself pale in fear. 

“No, no, no. You can’t come back now, my life’s perfect. I don’t need you anymore.” He said frantically. 

**I think you do need me, you’re just too scared to admit to it. I’ve seen and heard the way you feel about Hinata. You want to be like him, right? He’s so perfect and small. That’s what you could’ve been if you had tried harder.**

The Voice was right, imagine how perfect he could’ve been if only he had tried harder. Before Atsumu knew it, he was back at the apartment he shared with Sakusa. He took a deep breath and tried to put on a smile, hoping it would hide his discomfort and not betray the choice he had made. When he entered the apartment, he saw Sakusa laying down on the couch, sleeping. He’d been out sick with the common cold, even with his extra precautions.

“He looks so cute when he’s sleeping.” Atsumu thought fondly. 

He went over to Sakusa and ran his fingers through Sakusa’s hair.

“I’m so whipped for him.” He said with a small chuckle. 

Sakusa stirred and sat up, rubbing his eyes. He looked over at Atsumu and smiled. 

“How was practice?” His voice was thick with sleep and slightly scratchy from the cold. 

“It was good, we’re working on our serves.”

Sakusa grimaced at the thought of that. He loved serving and was sad to miss out on it. 

Atsumu noticed the grimace and moved to cup Sakusa’s face. 

“Hey look at me. You’ll do fine when you go back. Everyone needs a rest sometimes.”

Sakusa nodded his head in agreement. 

“Can you make me more soup? I’m hungryyyy.” He whined. 

Atsumu laughed and responded, 

“Of course.” He placed a kiss on Sakusa’s head and walked off to the kitchen to make dinner. 

  
  


Once dinner was made, Atsumu served Sakusa, who noticed only one bowl was out. 

“Where’s your food?” Sakusa asked, slightly suspicious. 

“Don’t worry Omi, I’m just not hungry right now. I’m still too excited over my new serve to eat.” Atsumu laughed, trying to play off his real feelings. 

Sakusa nodded, not entirely believing him, but he let it slide. If things got worse, Sakusa would step in and help. 

Their dinner was quiet, but fun. They talked about their day and overall enjoyed each other’s company. Both of them were tired and decided an early night would be best for them. Sakusa tried to get Atsumu to eat, but he waved it off. Sakusa got slightly worried, but figured it would be best to deal with it in the morning. They headed to bed and held each other as they drifted off to sleep. 

Except Atsumu didn’t. All he could think about was how much of a failure he was. He looked so ethereal at the training camp, yet he threw it away. 

**You don’t deserve Sakusa’s love. You’re not skinny enough for him. All you do is leech off of him and use him. He’d be better off without your fat ass.**

Atsumu agreed with The Voice and promised he’d do better. If he wanted Sakusa to stay, he had to be perfect again. He would beat Hinata, he would be skinnier than him, that’s all he needed. The need to be small was overwhelming and it was starting to cloud his judgement again. 

This is the story of how Atsumu relapses. 


	2. Even though you love me, I’m still afraid you’ll leave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Atsumu realizes he will never beat Hinata if he doesn’t let The Voice take over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY FOR BEING GONE SO LONG D:
> 
> School has been kinda tough and I’ve been exhausted lately. I hope it hasn’t affected my writing, thank you for the constant support, it’s so amazing.

“Waking up was a pain.” Atsumu thought as he was woken up by the sound of an alarm blaring throughout the bedroom. 

He rolled over, out of Sakusa’s grip and turned it off. 

Sakusa turned over and grumbled, “Come back to bed.”

“You know I’d love to, but I have practice today.” Atsumu responded. 

“Skip it.”

Atsumu laughed and walked into their bathroom to get ready. He pulled off his pajamas and turned around to get into the shower, when he saw his stomach. When had he gotten so fat? His eyes wandered over his body, critiquing every part of it and promising himself that he would fix it. 

With one last goodbye to Sakusa, Atsumu headed out the door and travelled to the gym for practice. Once he was there, he started to warm up and ran a few extra laps before everyone was there. His coach knew he had a history with eating disorders, but if he played it off as wanting to build more muscle, then no one would get suspicious. It’s the same excuse he had used for Sakusa, but it should work. 

After everyone was at practice, (excluding Sakusa), the coach called everyone over to explain what was happening that day. 

“As everyone here knows, the Japan Volleyball Team tryouts are soon and I want all of you in top condition. Atsumu, I want you to set to Hinata since Sakusa is still sick.”

Atsumu nodded and glanced over at Hinata, who smiled at him with a thumbs up. He did his best to smile back, hoping it didn’t look fake. They walked onto the court and started. As Atsumu set for Hinata, he noticed how  _ small _ and  _ lithe _ he was, everything Atsumu wanted to be, but couldn’t have. The team took a 5 minute break to rest and they all crowded together. 

“Atsumu, your tosses are amazing! You always make sure they’re perfect, I’m lucky to play on a team with such talented people.” Hinata gushed. 

The team smiled and looked at Hinata fondly. He never failed to make everyone happy. 

“How could I hate someone like him, he’s literally the sun.” Atsumu thought. 

**Everyone likes him because he’s skinny. If you were skinny, everyone would like you too.**

Atsumu immediately sobered up and remembered all the times he was left out because he was a rude, insolent jerk who didn’t understand people’s feelings. 

**I wouldn’t be surprised if Sakusa left you.**

In a second, Atsumu’s mood changed toward Hinata, his happiness overwhelming him. Atsumu’s former admiration for Hinata turned into jealousy and anger. Why couldn’t he be perfect and loved? 

**I’ve answered this question a million times. If you accepted me again, you’d be loved.**

It seemed as if all of Atsumu’s hard work towards fighting The Voice had disappeared. In that moment, nothing could’ve stopped him from making the decision to let The Voice take over, not even Sakusa. He quickly thanked Hinata and asked him if they wanted to get back to work. Atsumu then threw himself into practice and let his brain run on autopilot. He wanted to block out all of his thoughts and feelings towards Hinata and the guilt for ruining everything Sakusa had done for him.

Practice ended abruptly and the coach called Atsumu over. 

“I noticed you were working extra hard today, if you keep it up, you’ll for sure make it onto the Japan team.”

Atsumu smiled a real, genuine smile at the thought of going to the Olympics. He thanked the coach and went to change in the locker room. It was only Hinata and him in the room when he got there. He tried to change as quickly as possible so he wouldn’t have to deal with the human form of happiness, but to no avail. 

“Wow Atsumu, you’re so strong! I wish I had more muscles like you.”

_ “What?” _

Atsumu spun around and looked at him. “You want to look like me?” He said dumbfounded. 

Hinata looked at him like he was stupid and responded, “Of course, you have the perfect body, especially for volleyball.”

**He’s lying to you.**

“If you eat more protein and do more weight lifting, you could end up having the same body as me.” Atsumu said, trying to be helpful,  ~~ definitely not trying to get Hinata to ruin his perfect body . ~~

The words that come out of Hinata’s mouth next hurt Atsumu to the core. After all, Hinata didn’t know Atsumu had an eating disorder. 

“I’ve tried that, it just doesn’t seem to work. My metabolism must be too fast!”

Atsumu felt something break inside of him and Hinata seemed to notice the light go out of his eyes. 

“Are you ok Atsumu? You look pale.”

“I’m fine Hinata, it’s been a long day without Omi.”

“Oh ok, I guess I won’t keep you any longer. See you tomorrow!” Hinata waved to him and left the locker room. 

Once Hinata was gone, Atsumu slumped to the floor and grabbed his head with his hands. His head hurt from The Voice criticizing him all day and his lack of food, not even mentioning Hinata. 

“Why is he so lucky, while I have to suffer.” Atsumu thought. 

**It just means you’ll have to work harder to beat him.**

Atsumu sighed and got up, and left the locker room to head home. He entered the apartment to the sight of Sakusa in an apron, making dinner. 

“Wow, what did I do to deserve this?” He asked, setting his sports bag down. 

“I missed you, so I decided to make dinner tonight.” Sakusa shrugged and started to cut vegetables. 

Atsumu’s heart swelled and he went to hug Sakusa from behind. Sakusa stopped cutting vegetables and they stayed like that for a while, enjoying each other’s company. 

“Atsumu, you have to let go or else the food isn’t going to get done.”

Instead of letting go, Atsumu just pushed his face into the crook of Sakusa’s neck.

Sakusa let out a small laugh. “Do you just want to cuddle instead?”

Atsumu pulled his head up and nodded. They went to the bedroom and lied down, with Atsumu pulling Sakusa into his chest. 

“Gross, you stink.” Sakusa said. 

“You love me.” Atsumu retaliated. 

“Hmmm, I guess I do.” 

Even though Atsumu knew Sakusa was joking, it still sent his brain into a panic. 

“Does Sakusa not love me anymore? Is he going to leave?”

Sakusa could feel Atsumu tensing and realized his mistake. 

“Atsumu, I didn’t mean it. I was joking around, I’m sorry.” 

“It’s ok Omi, I’m just having a bad day.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” 

“Not really, can we just lie here?”

“Sure. I love you.”

“Love you too.”

They lied there as the sun shone through the curtains and cascaded onto them. They were warm in each other’s embrace and it would’ve been the perfect moment, if Sakusa hadn’t realized that Atsumu’s ribs were starting to show again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hsialalaksjskf :D
> 
> Have I ever mentioned how much I love reading sad fanfics at 2 am?

**Author's Note:**

> I know this was a short chapter, but I wanted to get this out here so it’ll gain some traction. I’m starting in person school tomorrow so this might update slowly but I hope you’ll stick around for it.


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